Here’s a preview from the audiobook. Added a little bit of animation to jazz it up a bit and of course the book is up to your imagination… so just relax, close your eyes, well, if you are not driving or doing anything that you need your eyes for… or you can read along below… either way enjoy Alan Irving deliver some comedy entertainment 🤪‼️🤪
From the distant star of Placellner he travelled.
Why? Who knows…? But that’s not the point. At least not right now. For three billion galactic years and nine point two mega seconds his ship careened across the somewhat vast universe. Turning left here and right there and looping around deltic spagnoids every so often. But all in all, besides the mishap near the Algernon sector, ahem, which we also won’t get into right now, it was smooth trekking.
His journey would have been a lot shorter had he not stopped at Joe’s Galactic Bar. But who could blame him? With all the advertising that Joe has been doing lately, he wouldn’t be surprised if a Cornsharr actually did stop by. You know the slogan: “No party is complete without a Cornsharr… Why not stop in and try Joe’s Galactic Bar!"
What the hell is a Cornsharr?, the space traveller thought as he came within a safe distance of the place. I wonder if other beings come by just to see if they can catch a glimpse of a Cornsharr, he pondered.
Anyway, he decided why not and stopped in for several sreefs and a shot of his favourite drink, the Rhinokicker. This strange and bizarre sort of alcoholic substance got its name during the Age of Bartenders. It is much like one of the Olden Age soft drinks called Briozza, which was banned under section 77.56 of the Living Rights Act supplement 999.887.172.31457---A. Unlike Briozza though, it’s claimed that 3.289 seconds after tasting the rhino kicker, one would kick back their legs in disgust and charge something, usually a brick wall, scream-singing “Rhino, rhino, rhino!” The Rhinokicker has no such effect on Serbinand, although he has claimed to have hallucinated packs of rhinos flying around his head.
With drink in hand, Serbinand was now able to sit back for a moment, finally free to get acquainted with the beverage and get in touch with his feelings, or at least try. He’d been through a lot these last few hours, hmmm, these last few weeks, no- months, no- years, no- ummm, uhhhh... actually, to be safe, these last few decades. But now was the time to set things straight, or at least attain some kind of quasi-entertaining fashion of existence. And if that didn’t work, well... then he’ll have to wreak havoc and disrupt flight service schedules, just to see how quickly he can bring the entire known civilization to a complete halt. Actually, a complete halt begging at his mercy. Or maybe he’ll just go back home. One or the other. Both seem good, he thought.
“Where ya'oftta?” asked something sitting on the bar stool above him.
Serbinand wanted to answer the fuzzy creature, but he couldn’t find its head anywhere. He didn’t want to embarrass it by speaking to the wrong part of its body, so he just ignored it.
“Have y’abeen drinkin the Deafbonker, or are’ya just ignorin me?” it asked, slightly annoyed.
The voice appeared to be coming from the thing’s foot, so going on speculation, Serbinand spoke to its foot.
“Sorry … I … Ummm ... I didn’t hear you. Actually, I thought that I heard a pack of rhinos coming this way, so I got scared and turned off my hearing senses.” Serbinand was quite pleased with this ingenious story, especially the part about turning off his hearing senses… as if he really could do that with any degree of accuracy.
Serbinand hoped that what he said was enough to turn this creature off and make him go away. But he had no such luck. It just sat there as if assessing the situation, trying to figure out the best possible course of action. This seemed to be going on for close to an eternity. Then right when Serbinand thought enough time had passed and he could turn away, it spoke.
“Oh... I see ya been drinkin the Rhinokicker, never liked the drink m’self. Used to wake up with huge bumps all over and brick shavings lodged into m’ forehead… which, of course, made walking very painful.”
After that short but meaningful exchange of words both speakers decided it would be in their best interests to disregard the conversation and pretend it never even existed. And with that, Serbinand casually glanced around the room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, or anything, ‘cause you never know what that could lead to, especially in a place like this.